Stanislav Kurilov

Sea,  God and Yoga - these are the three vectors, which come together in one point: the point of escape, at the point of jump and in the three days in the ocean when he was there alone. All these are the main components of Slava's soul and his personality. All that led him to perfection (siddhi). 

In December, 1974 he jumped a cruise boat “The Soviet Union” off the coast of the Philippines islands – and he swam to freedom.With no food or drink, no swimming equipment apart from flips and goggles, he swam to the shores about a hundred kilometers for three days – completely alone at sea.

People were running from USSR before Slava and after him. But always it was aunning 'from' something and 'to' something. Escape of Slava is unusual in the sense that it was not "running away from the ...". It was a triumph of the Action; Great rejoicing of ACT, where the main thing - the action itself, as an act of Self-Realization.  Before escape with a great intensity he practiced yoga and meditation for dozens of years, so for him Escape became the last step to achieve Highest Realization; it was his severe aghora sadhana, but unlike indian yogis instead of shmashan he desided to jump in the Ocean - with minimal chances of survival. At the point of escaping intersected his major life lines - a passionate desire to know the world and a desire to get Enlightment.

In general, the Action was the axis of his existence. If there is a problem, GO! ACT! DO!, and  in process your promotion will be revealed and resolved.

Stanislav: It was not an escape in the literal sense - from the prison, from the plague or from debt. It was not also the desire for absolute freedom. By this time I had already guessed that it can only be run from one prison to another, but the real freedom means to acquire by means of tremendous efforts change of the inner nature. I did not seek any material benefits - beyond the seas I will most likely get the same as here -  depending on the circumstances. Escape from the ship was a spiritual test, scientific and mystical experiment or a way to get Self-Realization. 

I did not plan to escape as people are planning an expedition or going on a long journey. And at the same time I was ready to run at any opportune moment.

It is not that I was driven away by political reasons. I felt that the Soviet regime - is the hidden evil, and it is in one way or another is present in everything that surrounds me. I had two options - to change the world or change themselves. My friends dissidents involved in the first, my Christian friends, yogis, buddhists - and I'm with them - tried to change themselves.

 

Yoga has been necessary to me not as a system of exercises, as a system to get Liberation. Practice of Yoga in extreme lack of freedom - is a constant overcoming. Every moment in yoga gave me a drop of freedom. I have no one interfered me, I forged myself.

 I was looking for a way to really test my strength, I was willing to perform the sacrifice of Action. In any proper action there should be a joy from performing, passion, naked feelings and heightened attention. Life - it is when Death is standing behind your shoulders. If you're safe, you do not learn. The outer part looked like an escape from one country to another in the time and space; Internal test was "here and now" - on the deck of a ship in the ocean on a tropical island - at any given moment. The meaning of the test was to get Transformation,  or more precisely, in the destruction of my former 'I'. The ultimate goal - to endure, and quite unimportant - to survive or die.

I endured.
Success would be even in the case of death.
Finishing a distant and difficult way,
I have seen about what I was dreaming for a long time,
And I realized - there is no happiness  over the horizon,
But it is like a shadow, silent, always close by.

...Once I wanted to visit the most distant corners of the world and experience all of the available
human conditions. I had a strong urge to seek, to see and to learn.

I was looking for one thing and found entirely different, perhaps even more beautiful. It is called differently: the Сonsciousness, Brahman, the Divine Presence, the Grace, or perhaps like something else. Whatever it was, it was beyond belief!


A lot has been written about the methods of yoga, but almost nothing about the results of dhyana and samadhi. Everyone has to go all the Path by himself -  no Guru will be able to go through it instead of you, he is able only to indicate the method or path. The very first experience of samadhi gives more understanding of things than any knowledge transmitted by others.  


Thus Stanislav is describing 2 key points of his live: the moment of jumping from the sheep and exact moment of achieving Highest Realization after 3 days of sweeming without food and drink: 

 

13th December: 


This day, December 13th, was one of the most memorable days of my life. I no longer had control over the situation, the decision was made, and I immediately felt its psychological effect. I could not think about the future - I had no future.  At the appointed hour I take my  swimming equipment and go to the stern of the liner, and then jump into the darkness... and total uncertainty. I could not think about the past - it's gone, disappeared by itself. All my attention was focused on the present. I live in this segment of the present, and it, like shagreen leather, inexorably declining.
I did not come out for breakfast. I attended a dinner, but did not eat anything - stomach must be completely empty before a long swim, I knew it from experience. In the morning I did a cleansing yoga exercises - drank two liters of water and let it pass through the intestine, bypassing the bladder, as well as several others, rather complicated washings, along with breathing exercises. Usually, I have never eaten before diving immersions - even with a small amount of food in the stomach it becomes hard to breathe.

From that exact moment - early in the morning of the thirteenth of December - when I realized myself on the other side of some Invisible Line, I felt like I had "awakened soul." Consciousness moved to the heart: I have not seen or heard - I felt. There is a huge difference - to hear the sound or to feel it. I felt the ocean, clouds, people, music.

The the heart there was an unbearably pleasant pain, which intensified from the favorite tune or just from a smile. I could not think about anything. It seemed to me that I see the world for the first time. I have observed each of my step, every fleeting feeling, the details of the ship environment, the nature and behavior of people. I could easily read their thoughts and feelings. I thought not to notice my new state is not possible, but the glances  of others were so superficial, so quickly ran from one object to another, that they were unable to see me, and not even  themselves.

 

My gaze never met  with someone's equally penetrating gaze. I suddenly began to understand the Japanese kamikaze, Roman gladiators, smugglers - generally all those who are waiting for the duel, or an hour of the eascape. I'm ready, so to speak, for the ceremony of Self-Realization, to some mystical initiation into the mysteries of life and death.

After dinner I was invited to the cabin of our Leningrad girls. They drank cognac. They started talking about something, the women's. Sometimes the topic of conversation was slipping from the my mind, but it was great to see their faces, smiles, simply to be among them. I love to watch women. They always seem to me very beautiful, even the ugly. Woman -  is the most amazing and exciting creation in this world.  I never get tired of admiring them: how they walk, how they are reclining or are correcting her hair with both hands. I am pleased to learn the language of their subtle movements - it is different in every woman - every change of posture, every turn of the head. A true pleasure to watch a woman when she is in love. Her face is radiant and shining, all lines of the body somehow smoothed out and "heard" in a new way.

 - You're a strange today, Slava - suddenly noticed one of the girls. All other immediately turned to me. I smiled and said my favorite toast: "For pretty women". Girls laughed, and together we moved the glasses.

Sunset was magnificent and solemn, as it can only be in the Philippines. Descended impenetrable dark night. The ship approached the northern tip of the island of Siargao. I went out on deck. There was a strong south wind, ocean was breathing heavily with huge ramparts. From the West were approaching the black storm clouds, lightning flashed from time to time.

 I climbed to the highest bridge, but even with binoculars could not see anything. Where should appear the island, there  was not a single flame. I went down on the wing of the navigator, and asked the watchman of the coastal lights. He apparently found my question to be idle, looked to the southwest, and said that there were no lights on the island there. I saw it without him.
What if the captain changed course, and we are further from the coast than I expected?

 It was about seven o'clock in the evening. I looked for the last time to the place where the island was supposed to be. Impenetrable darkness. The whole sky is covered with clouds. Lightning flashed across the horizon almost constantly

"A storm is coming!" - I rejoiced in my heart. In stormy weather, the captain will not risk people and will  not dare to send a boat in search of me. I will have the whole night!

 I went to the restaurant at the end of supper - just to appear. Deck visibly swayed underfoot. The chandelier was rocking on the ceiling, heavy curtains were swaying, loose chairs pulled away slightly and leaned back as if  to tables were sitting down invisible guests.

I suddenly realized clearly that the surface is covered by ocean waves of seven to eight meters high. I counted on the jump from a height of fifteen meters - from bulwarks  of the main deck to the waterline - it was slightly higher than the rock in the Black Sea, from where I dived blindly at night. But the distance to the water can now be either seven meters more - and then I can bury forward or less - so I hit my back.

 From the point of view of common sense are my chances to reach the shore alive looked like that: if during a jump, I will not break from the hitting a water; if I am not eaten the shark, if I not get drown, choking or from fatigue, if I don't break on the reefs, if there is enough strength and breath to get to the shore, and if by that time I'll still be alive - only then I might be able to thank the fate for the unprecedented miracle of rescue.

It was the most dangerous part of the way. I had to walk about a hundred meters from the bow cabin in which I lived, before going on to the deck and then still to cover the same distance - in the open air right to stern. In my hand there was a bag with flippers, mask and snorkel. On top of the swimming equipment, I carelessly threw the towel. 

I had studied all the transitions and turns on the way in case of the chase. I knew a lot of cases, when the best-laid plans were disclosed and the participants ended their lives in a concentration camp. If my intention is showed up, then I would just get upstairs to the deck, and then I jump from the board, from the mast  - from anything! 

I walked slowly along the corridor.

It seemed to me that I'm going on a rope over an abyss.

Those who passed such a path, know that it exists within another psychological dimension. It changes a person as if he lived for several years. If you are constrained by fear, you do not notice, butif you have the inner freedom, you will never forget. You will always have a burning longing for this other dimension,  and the world from which you have just stepped into the unknown,  becomes unreal like ordinary sleep. 

It was then that I made a discovery for myself: attention - that's the secret of life! Acute attention to the external and internal. Normally we live in some kind of half asleep and only during Instant flashes of attention we can really see and feel. It seemed that everything - walls, pipes, abandoned by someone vacuum cleaner - knew where and why I'm going, and silently wished me luck.

 

I went out on deck.

- Young man! - I heard a voice behind me.

Measuring the distance to the board, I turned around. I was approached by an unknown man.

- How do I get to the radio room?

I briefly explained, watching his movements. He listened to me and left. I took a deep breath.

 

On the illuminated portion of the deck, through which it was necessary to pass, have already begun dances. From a loudspeaker I could hear my favorite melody

I walked among the dancing couples. I felt no fear.  I became a boy running away from adult care out in the alluring forest with wild animals. I have told about it so many horrors that I just could not go on living without having been there.

To my native Russian land, I said 'good-bye' earlier in Vladivostok harbor. Now I fled from the Soviet Union. 

 

I went down by ladder from stern to the main deck. There was a folding bed, and on it sat three men. Approaching the bulwarks, I stood for a few moments. It was impossible to jump right in front of them. I imagined how they will call immediately by phone (it hung over their heads) onto the captain bridge,  the signal "Man Overboard" will follow and they immediately will begin to seek me with a spotlights.  

 

I again went up to the boat deck and began to ponder the situation. Time has not remained - in half an hour, according to my calculations, the ship passes the island. To jump in at any cost, even in front of the whole team! 

I went downstairs again. Two sailors have disappeared, and the third was preparing bed, turning his back on me.

I leaned with one hand on the bulwarks, threw the body overboard and strongly pushed. To notice my jump was difficult - so fast I  left behind.

Flying over the water seemed endless.

 

While I was flying, I crossed a psychological barrier and ended up on the other side as a completely different person.

I calculated the flight path well. Overboard, I abruptly turned my body with afeet towards the stern , and back -  to the water surface. For a while I was flying in the horizontal position, until I felt that the force of inertia began to weaken and I fall almost vertically on back. At this point, I began to slowly rotate the body so as to enter the water when feet are at a slight angle.

 

I went the fifteen meters in complete darkness, and successfully entered the water with feet at a sharp angle, not dropping the bag with swimming accessories, of which was very much afraid. I was strongly twisted by a stream of water, but at the last moment I managed to squeeze the bag tightly to my stomach.

 

Coming up to the surface I looked around–and froze in terror. Beside me, an arm’s length away, was the huge hull of the liner and its gigantic turning propeller. I desperately summoned up my strength to swim out of reach, but I was held in the dense mass of stationary water that was coupled to the screw in a mortal grip. It felt as if the liner had suddenly stopped, yet only a few seconds ago it had been doing eighteen knots. The terrifying vibrations of the hellish noise went through my body; the screw seemed to be alive: it had a maliciously smiling face and held me tight with invisible arms.

 

Suddenly something throws me aside and I quickly fly to  abyss.

I got into a strong jet of water from the right of the screw, and I was thrown to the side.

 

Holding my breath, I tried to stay under the surface of the water as long as a large light spot of searchlights  will pass. For a while it was quite dark, and then I got into a band of bright light. I thought that I noticed and was caught in the spotlight. But soon there was complete darkness. I threw the towel as unnecessary, put on a mask with a tube and took a few deep breaths. 

 

The water was quite warm  and at such a temperature I can swim for a very long time. I put on my flippers and gloves with membranes between fingers. Bag has become no longer needed. My watch with a luminous dial showed 20 hours 15 minutes according to the ship's time, I threw it away later, when I noticed that they had stopped. 

The ship was moving rapidly.

I felt a huge relief - because  now I left alive and unharmed from the terrible rotating screw. A person can not simultaneously perceive several dangers, they are indistinguishable at the time of fear and only then attack him in turn.

 

And then silence descended on me. Feeling was sudden and startled me. It was as if I was on the other side of reality. I still do not fully understand what happened. The dark ocean waves, prickly splashes , crests glowing around me seemed to be something like a hallucination or a dream - and if I just open my eyes,  everything disappears and I will find myself back on the ship, with friends, including noise, bright light and fun.  With an effort, I tried to return myself back in the old world, but nothing has changed around me - still it was astormy ocean. This new reality could not be persepted by me. But as time went on, I was overwhelmed by crests of the waves, and it was necessary to take great care not to lose the breath.

 

And I finally fully realized that I am alone in the ocean. Nowhere to wait a help. And I have almost no chance to reach the shore alive....

 

 

16th December: 

 

 

 

I was shaken up, and I began to uncontrollably fall somewhere in the abyss. I clearly remember my first thought: "I'm alive, I'm on the reef!" The wave receded, and I found myself in a frothy, boiling water, and the roar of the surf is now moved to the side.

 

I finally came to the senses and began to think, what to do, but then again I heard the approaching rumble.

The glow of the sea close to me created the impression of an impenetrable darkness around - exactly the same effect is seen when you sit near a flaming fire in the night. But what I saw suddenly, in some thirty or forty meters away, etched in my memory for a lifetime. 

 

It was a giant wave with a steep, very, very slowly falling crest. I have never in my life seen such huge waves - it seemed to me that it is even slightly touches the sky. Its crest was surrounded by a luminous halo, and all of it was covered with a bluish glow -  from the base right to the top. Probably, it was not higher of the waves that are born outside of the reef during a big ocean swell, but I was at the foot of it, where rarely people can observe it, and from there it looked like a giant.  It was moving slowly and was fantastically beautiful. I saw it a little on the side. Line bending it was so perfect thanks to the perfect ratio of wave height and crest that seemed alive and animated. Wave was standing like in one place, woven of bluish lights and countless glowing splashes. 

 

Bending of it's crest. slender as a swan neck, continued to maintain it's perfect form - the water flowed freely through it, slowly flowing down with dancing flames. It was a little behind  just in the exact place where I was. I was so captured by it's contemplation that had completely forgotten about the dangers. Suddenly I heard a dull roar on my right, turned my head and realized: "This is the end." Giant mountain clearly towered twenty meters and was moving slowly towards me, but so slowly that for a few seconds I was in terror, fascinated, watching it. However, the wave did not descended on me as I could not help expecting. Some juggernaut pulled me up on it's not very steep slope, right to the very foot of the falling crest . 

 

I instinctively grabbed the mask with a tube and managed  to take a deep breath. Crest began to fall on me, and then I was sucked under it. For a moment I was directly under it in the curl of a wave, like in a cave. Then my body dived into a raging stream of water - internal forces wave wriggled me, overturned several times over the head, twisted in all directions until they weakened. I began to float to the surface, completely with no idea how deep in the water I could be. I managed to a note to myself that I did not hit the reef and my mask with a tube are with me, moved my feet - flippers were also there. 

 

I have enough breath to get to the surface, though, I feel that I floated for a long time. I began to gulp fresh air and finally recovered my breath slowly. At that moment, I saw close to me in a halo of bluish radiance rising of a new wave. And again it came over me simultanious admiration and indescribable horror before this perfect enormous creation of Nature "Where is the reef, and how many waves I still will be able to survive?" - Flashed the thought.  Wave was approaching slowly, majestically, solemnly. I took  deep breaths in and out, trying to gain more oxygen into the lungs. This time it seemed to me  as a giant cobra, which, arching he neck, is ready to attack me. In the next moment I was swallowed by it. I barely had enough breath to endure to the surface - I breathed already without any precautions, like a drowning man. After that came a few new waves, and I was buried under each of them. Seeing as a new wave is approaching out of the darkness, I realized that it would be my last. 

 

I said "goodbye" to life, and at that exact moment remembered how I was able to stay on the crests of the big waves, swimming in the Black Sea. However, the waves were just dwarfs in comparison with those that I had seen today. Just as then, I quickly turned my back to wave, and this time it caught me and carried to the crest with great speed initially far ahead, and when receded back. I easily got to the surface and swam, without wasting time, along with the movement of the waves. I was hoping that somewhere behind the reef, the lagoon should be. It seemed to me that the next wave will not appear for a long time, but then I saw it. It was not a mountain, but just a very big wave with a steep falling crest. I quickly took a horizontal position on its crest, and it carried me a long way, holding almost on the water surface, so it was quite easy to catch my breath and to prepare for the next one. Now all the time I have  sailed in the direction of motion of the waves, they  carefully picked up me on their noisy crests and carried forward, further and further from the giant waves from the outside of the reef. 

 

Suddenly I felt something solid under my feet. Before I could figure out what it was, as a large wave swept me for some distance, and I was standing in water up to my waist. I took a few uncertain steps, caught my breath and looked around. Around me - boundless ocean, only random motion of water flows, and phosphorescent splashes. When a new wave carried me for a few meters, the depth was just above the knee. Another wave washed away me, and I had to swim. When it receded, I tried to get on my feet, but could not find the bottom. This meant that I was carried out to the lagoon and the reef is left behind. It was unusually quiet; muffled roar of the ocean could be heard somewhere behind. It seemed that I was in a calm bay. I decided to return to the reef and relax. 

I looked around again. Pitch darkness. All around - nothing. "In the center of the lagoon must be an island, it is known by any student of geography lessons" - I thought. The first time I swam, trying to keep the sound of the surf behind my back, but after half an hour, or even more, it has become difficult to do in that was: it could be heard on the right, then -  left, then -  right on all sides. Then I decided to go so that the noise of the surf is always moving away. I changed course many times, moving just "on silence" in the direction of the intended Island.

 

Finally, surf noise was heard from only one side, and I turned my back to it, and swam in a straight line without stopping.

My every movement was accompanied by a flash of blue flame. I guess I looked from the side as a blazing unquenchable fire. I had noticed that my own light becomes brighter and brighter and thoroughly prevents me from seeing the water space in front and around me. For more than an hour, I was swimming in the lagoon. It was somehow unusual to move among this sudden silence on the surface as smooth as a lake.

 

Splashes of water on every careless movement seemed too noisy and as false chords, distorting gentle melody of silence. I finally could again raise a mask on the forehead, push the tube aside better and look around better. I thought again about sharks. First of all I examined all the uncovered areas of the body. 

 

I never felt pain, but I knew from experience that even deep wound does not cause pain in the water - I have seen under the water how from a wound are rolled out blood balls, black, if a deep, dark red, if small - and are sprayed, turning into a muddy cloud, without the slightest pain. The glow of plankton allowed me to clearly distinguish the surface of the skin till thin hairs on his arms and legs.

 

I noticed blood on the broken knees and tied them with a handkerchief. I stripped them, probably on the reef, when many times in the water I was climbing on its sharp coral ledges. In the lagoon there could be more sharks than on the windward side, and it is not clear how long it would take to swim to the island. Blood attracts sharks -  even those that normally do not attack humans. But it is incorrect to think that the sharks immediately attack the person. 

 

I read that in the lagoons  sharks do not touch the locals and attack others, exactly in the same way as do the village dogs. I came up with the strange idea that sharks are just afraid of me - I probably look to them as unintelligible, luminous monster. Indeed, many deep-sea inhabitants have their own glow - clearly not from a good life. 

Again, I put on a mask, took the mouthpiece and looked down. The depth in this place was no more than ten or twelve meters, and the entire bottom underneath me radiated light weight - it was, of course, living coral reefs. I read a lot about them and wanted to see them at least with one eye, and now they have opened before me in all their glory, suddenly, in the night...

 

The noise of the surf already was heard far away, reminding thunder. I continued to swim blindly, trying only keep it behind me. Swim became increasingly difficult - apart from general fatigue, I felt my breathing became more frequent: probably breath holding on the reef made itself felt. Finally, I saw a group of lights a little bit in the left. They kindly blinked and seemed to be not very far away. 

 

My breathing was getting worse - every fifteen minutes I tried to hang motionless in the water, but it did not help. I just did not have enough air. I thirstily grabbed air with my mouth and began to wheeze. Depth below me was not more than five meters. Suddenly, against the background of dark sky, I could see the tops of trees.  They were much closer than the lights, and I swam to them - I finally became disillusioned with the lights. The bright glow of my body just blinded me, I could barely see the water surface at arm's length, and became afraid of the darkness in front of me.  Several hours passed since I left the reef. I felt very bad, and only relied on my willpower. I thought that I would ever go off somewhere into the unknown, and the palm trees against the sky - is just a mirage, like those lights that can be seen on the left. 

 

Consciousness again started leaving me. I saw myself in the dunes in the desert, but I could not go. I was  falling into the sand up to my waist and barely crawl forward to the barely visible on the horizon oasis. With difficulty getting to the top of the hill, after which it should be, and I see it again on the horizon. I roamed across the steppe late at night. I got lost and  was very tired. Leading the way - the lights of some villages. 

 

I badly wanted to lie down and to rest at least for a few minutes, but I am afraid that they will turn off lights and I will  have to go who knows where another night. The lights approaching and suddenly turn into some kind of evil creatures who, wildly laughing, scatter in different directions ...  I almost could not breathe - only wheezed. 

 

For the last time I tried to find the bottom of the foot ... and suddenly, not trusting myself, felt under foot firm support. I was standing in water up to my chest and could not believe that this is not a dream. Ahead, as far as can be discerned, darkened waters of a lagoon. The place was shallow, and for a long time I had to wander chest-deep in the water, to swim again, and again to wander waist-deep in the water before I stepped on shore. In these moments I was afraid of sharks more than anything else. "If the sharks will eat me right now - I shuddered at the thought - is simply a pity!"

 

I staggered out on coral sand at the base of tall palm trees. Behind me stretched a luminous stream of water, and my body shone like a ball dress, studded with sequins. Only now I felt completely safe. The ocean was left behind, and with it all my past.I sat down on the sand and leaned against the trunk of a palm. The earth beneath me was still swinging, and I had to press closer with my back so as not to fall. Not a single cell  wanted  to stir in me. Silently rustled leaves somewhere high above my head. Among the rare clouds there were seen rare stars. Right and left along the shore stretched chains of palm trees, their tops stood out clearly against the night sky. On the shore under the palm trees flashed shadows,  could be heard singing and music, similar to the Spanish, were seen dancing couples. I could hear the muffled laughter and cheers. Somewhere on the other side of the lagoon, roared  a rumble of the surf. 

 

I turned my head and startled: a huge wave was bearing down on me  It was clear, and I could see everything that was behind it, through its thickness. I wanted to jump up to meet it, but it slowly passed through me, without causing any harm. Ahead appeared new. I closed my eyes and relaxed completely. 

 

"Ocean loves me, He carried me to the shore, as on a palm," - I thought. The feeling of reciprocal love flooded my soul. My body seemed to have disappeared, dissolved. The last thing I remember was the sound which is made by discontinuous strings. My "I" suddenly expanded to include a vast space. I could look down on the ocean, on the island, I was among the stars, I was the clouds swiming in the night sky.

 

 I was every tree, every flower, I was a wind blowing over the tops of the palm trees, I was a star in the mirror reflection of the lagoon. In me entered animated Silence ... And when after a while it quietly disappeared in the soul survived a feeling of infinite gratitude, which leaves behind it a feeling of love, forever illuminating the soul. To me gradually returned  "normal" feeling, I again felt the body, the mind had to be directed, as a narrow beam of light  -  from object to object, from one thought to another.

 

On the shore suddenly became very quiet. This surprised me, and gathering strength, I got up and went to the place where I had just heard voices and laughter and dancing couples under the Spanish melody - it still sounded in my ears. There was no one. I am alone on the entire shore of the lagoon. It was quite inexplicable. Why did not I went up to them at once? If I knew that they disappear without a trace, i would have touched with a hand each pair! 

 

Was it a hallucination? Was it something real? - I don't not know until now. I felt an irresistible fatigue, and immediately fell asleep on the sand under the palm trees. 

 

When I woke up I felt like a new-born Adam, the world has become for me a completely new, unknown and beautiful. I tried to recall everything that happened to me, but it was very strange memories. All the latest events as if happened a long time ago, and not with me, but with the other person.

 
I am contemplating how three days ago, I went to the stern of the ship to jump from the board in stormy ocean, a miracle that I did not hit the screw. At some point  I realized that to reach the shore alive is not possible, but at the most, what these memories are giving me now, - is a slight smile: yes, it was - a long long time ago. Once, as a child I was nearly gored the calf - I remember how scared I was, I thought, I was attacked by a huge monster. Then, when I grew up, I thought  that it was pretty funny. Now also, It is funny for me to  think what commotion must be today on the liner that I left! They are on the equator, they are celebrating Neptune holiday - without me. It is not indifference. What is in me now - happy imperturbable calm. I can not go back to the past, in which  lived during  the previous night, a deep chasm had been laid between my yesterday's "I" and "I" of today.

 

All this happened not gradually but immediately. I went through some kind of a psychological barrier that night. I remember well of my being until the moment when I heard an inner voice and sailed to the noise of the surf. When I hit a giant wave, I was not introspection, but some inner instinct, I felt that I became a different person. All my old life was separated from me during the time that I was in another world.

 

There I was as if born again. I have not left even a single unpleasant memory, any negative emotion. All wounds - and there were many - were healed. Weight of the past was no longer hanging. The man who has not experienced this, even unaware of its severity. Probably all of us, except for children, wear a little hell inside them -  both in conscious and subconscious.

When I went on shore, I have experienced it all. I was king, I was a Caesar. I went through everything. I fulfilled all my dreams. I have lost my old jealousy of the heroes. I became a Man. Gone away my secret inferiority complex that was tormenting me. People do not step over some line - but  I crossed. I did it, I stepped over the threshold. For the first time in my life I was enjoying myself. 

No nostalgia,  of which I was so afraid, was in sight. There was no fear of the future. And I noticed that sex torment disappeared - it felt like I did not know that in the world are women.

It was as if I took a book off the shelf , view it, and calmly put it back - and this book was all my old life.

 

 

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 Short boigraphical sketch:

By job he was an oceanographer, by heart he was a dreamer, by nationality he was a citizen of the planet Earth – in short, he was an extraordinary guy. Yet his personal file in the USSR was stamped as “not worthy of an exit visa” so he was not allowed to leave the country, even if it was for a holiday. So in December, 1974 he jumped a cruise boat “The Soviet Union” off the coast of the Philippines islands – and he swam to freedom.With no food or drink, no swimming equipment apart from flips and goggles, he swam to the shores about a hundred kilometers for three days – completely alone at sea.

Since his childhood, Slava Kurilov had been very keen on swimming and he loved the sea so deeply, he made it his career – he was an oceanographer, a deep sea diver. He knew the sky – all the major constellations, he knew meteorology, he had a vivid inquisitive mind  – he also spoke good English, had a sister living in Canada and his father was in a German prison camp during the WWII, which also considered somewhat of a treachery. A few times Slava applied for a permit for research trips outside the country, but to no avail – the reason being “endangering the security of the USSR”.


In his diaries he wrote that “”my homeland had sentenced me to life imprisonment through no fault of my own. Until my death I will never see the free world.”

Apart from that, Slava had an interesting outlook on life: he practiced yoga and meditation, he trained himself to abstemious, ascetic regime, and often he went without food – or water! – for five days at a time.

One day – it was November 1974  – Slava came across a travel ad in a paper: a large cruise line was to go on a voyage towards the equator, departing Vladivostok. The cruise was an unusual one: the ship did not intend to enter any foreign ports so no visas were required – the route was just to travel the outer waters for 20 days without approaching the coastal lines.
When Slava read that, he felt a pang of hope – in his memoirs, he later wrote that he felt like a wild animal which was about to be taken out for a walk before chaining him down forever. So the decision to go on a cruise was made, and it was an easy, confident one.

Interestingly, the cruise ship was built in 1930s in Germany and initially was called “Adolf Hitler” – the rumour had it that it was the Fuhrer’s private yacht. It sank during the war, but was recovered by the Soviet engineers. After that, it became the largest cruise ship of the Soviet Union and was used on the Far East routes, as far as possible from the civilised world – so it couldn’t be vetoed.
The route for this particular cruise was kept in strict secret. What was announced, however, that the passengers could sunbathe under the tropical sun, swim in the onboard pools and enjoy the stunning vistas. The guest lecturers would talk about the geography of the Pacific Ocean as well as the countries in the proximity. A cruise with no stops but with lectures about the South East Asia – well, in those days it did not sound unreasonable.
The main challenge was to figure out when – and where to jump. Slava’s goal was the Philippine island of Siargao,  near the southern part of Mindanao.

On December 13, at about 8pm, dressed in tight thick shorts and a few pairs of socks, equipped with a snorkel, flips and an amulet he had deep faith in, Slava walked to the upper deck  – and took a leap into the darkness.

"The deck was no longer under my feet. For several moments I flew through the air, until I felt the waves parting, gently welcoming me into their embrace. Coming up to the surface I looked around–and froze in terror. Beside me, an arm’s length away, was the huge hull of the liner and its gigantic turning propeller. I desperately summoned up my strength to swim out of reach, but I was held in the dense mass of stationary water that was coupled to the screw in a mortal grip. It felt as if the liner had suddenly stopped, yet only a few seconds ago it had been doing eighteen knots. The terrifying vibrations of the hellish noise went through my body; the screw seemed to be alive: it had a maliciously smiling face and held me tight with invisible arms."

 And so he began to swim, trying to keep the liner behind his back, swimming away from it. After the initial shock, Slava was consumed by utter silence – just the mild murmurs of the ocean accompanied his thoughts. He realised that he really needed a compass – yet taking one on board would have seemed suspicious. Now all he had to do was to continue swimming – but he found it comforting, as the water was warm and the ocean seemed friendly. Had he known what was ahead of him, he later wrote – he would have jumped anyway. Anything lying ahead – losing the direction, thirst, hunger, uncertainty,  jelly fish or shark – was a better option than returning to the ship, to the Soviet Union.
Kurilov in his latter days.

A day later he did not feel sore or tired – only the breathing of the ocean, which by now seemed like a living creature with heavy breath.  Slava miscalculated the route, and his initial estimates  – to swim for about 24 hours – had grown to three full nights alone in the ocean.

There was a lot between the jump and the land. He was all sore and swallen from the salt water. He scratched his knees on the coral reefs and was bleeding, thinking of the sharks. He almost made it to a quiet bay – until he was picked up by a strong torrent and taken back into the open ocean. A boat passed right by him without noticing. The Soviet cruise liner seemed centuries away now to him.
At last he felt the land under his feet. The first thought at that moment, funnily, was “If I get attacked by a shark now, it would have been the biggest fail ever”. The second thought – even a feeling – was a wave – pun intended – of huge love towards the element of the water, towards the Pacific Ocean, the feeling of a beautiful force that had looked after him so very well. And after that he immediately fell asleep on the sand under a palm tree.
Waking up a few hours earlier, Slava took stock of himself. he was not hungry – his mouth was still swallen. He was vey thirsty, but far from the state of dying of thirst. When planning the great escape, what never crossed his mind was the thought of actually reaching the foreign land – and so he did not foresee a need for matches, a knife, an ID. But nothing mattered – Slava felt like the first person on Earth, like Adam, like Tarzan from the Jungles, and it felt great!
The locals, who found him on the beach, could not believe his charade swimming motions – after the initial contact was established, they kept asking him about “the rest of the bunch”. It was incomprehensible for them, in a way, to believe that there was no shipwreck – just an escape.

Slava spent six months in the Philippines, while the authorities figured what to do with him. He was imprisoned for a few weeks, but then released as of  “good character”.  After the contacts were made with his sister, he was sent to live to Canada. His very first job was at a pizza joint, but after he perfected his English and got himself oriented, he continued doing what he loved most – working with the oceans. Once he travelled to Israel, which he instantly  fell in love with – and so in 1986 he immigrated to Haifa. 

He continued doing oceanography-related research until 1998, when a diving accident went wrong – he was 62 years old.