Last message & Viraja Homam

From last week I am in living an ocean of utter creativity of silent visions. And totally silent even if galaxies are colliding or being created! There is no way I can describe the visions. I feel I am dreaming when I am in the waking state. This waking state is not me.

The real me is totally mad and totally creative. I see no violence in that, thank God. I am experiencing some mad state. I know it is totally incommunicable, but will try nevertheless.

I know, when the saint of Simhachalam blessed my Guru Svaprakashnanda rubbing his head and saying "pichi pichi pichi, mad, mad,mad" I used to wonder what it was. Was it a deeksha or what? Now I understand what it meant.

There are two states. Being and becoming. Being is what you are. It is called now. This is continuous. Becoming is creating time by chaning me.
Becoming is what you are not. It can be sudden or continuous. It can be anything. Blazing lights, galaxies, stars, earths, oceans, people, animals, worms.
Smallest to biggest. That is ever changing. In this state you are seeing yourself as other than you. This is the creative part.

Whatever you are seeing is spinning out of your current being, controlled in part by your giving it an intention, a direction. Another part is spontaneous, not created by you. This is the much bigger part.
Records of all happenings are set in scrolls, mostly in Sanskrit. If you can access a particular region of gravity, space and time of total five dimensions, you can retrieve such information. You can see yourself at different ages, before births into the past. I can read the Sanskrit. But they are written so fast, and so voluminous, I just cant remember them. Except a few headings here and there. Some of them change as I try to read them too.

I am enjoying my madness. That is the real me. This world, my role in it, gender, caste, name, fame, money, power, status, goals mean nothing. That goes for Manidveepam as well.

This world, my role in it, gender, caste, name, fame, money, power, status, goals mean nothing.

I am myself. That is the most important fact. I am also understanding the futility of asking for the power of making others see what I see. By the time I get into the others trough my will, the visions have changed infinitely. And it never repeats. So what is the point?
They will always be my visions, whoever I happen to be.

At least is there a mantra, yantra, tantra or any process which can give such experiences? No. It is Her choice. By Her I mean the part of me which becomes what I see through my intention.
Language is so inadequate. When I pray, I am in my dream world, not my real world. So prayer is useless.

Sorry to bother you with my raving and ranting. You are one person with whom I can share my madness.


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Viraja Homam

Viraja Homam is a core and very important component of the Sri Chakra Navavarana Puja. Its significance can be gauged from the following conversation Guruji had with one of his disciples who was plagued with personal problems –

Disciple – “Guruji, there are so many problems in my life that I simply feel down and out. I sometimes wonder if life is even worth living any more. Everyday I have to somehow literally pick myself up to do things. I have no motivation to live whatsoever. What should I do?”

Guruji – “Doing Navavarana Puja can be very helpful. It will help rejuvenate you physically, mentally and astrally.”

Disciple – “Guruji, I don’t have the energy or the will to sit down for 2 hours to do an elaborate puja. I am finding it difficult to even survive!”

Guruji – “I understand. I recommend you do the Viraja Homam daily. It is the single most important part of the Navavarana Puja. It will help you to reconnect with Devi both inside and outside. It will re-energize your astral body immensely. By daily practice of the Viraja Homam, you will let go of your physical and mental maladies, and fill yourself at all levels by the Amritam or divine nectar. This state of divinity is always within us but our limited vision prevents us from experiencing it. Viraja Homam removes these limitations by an internal sacrifice where we witness the transmutation of our limited self into the unassailable peace of the divine Self. You will be a floating bubble of peace unaffected by the turbulence of life. My blessings are with you.” 

Conversation between a spiritual father and son

Guruji: My dear friends,
I wish to write a few lines as a conversation between a spiritual father F and son S.

S: What is my relationship to you?

F: None, really. You are given by Siva and Shakti to me. Mom and I happen to be your trustees.

S: What is your role then?

F: Same as that of a trustee. To help you mature from beast to human to divine being.

S: What is the purpose?

F: As far as I know, it is just a game. We are playing roles in a drama.

S: If I decide to be a bad guy?

F: That is your choice. Who am I to say no?

S: You won't correct me?

F: No.

S: Why not?

F: I choose to support your decision.

If you choose to play the role of a bad guy, I will support you to be a very good at that.

S: What is your message to me?

F: Do as you like. Find out who you are.

S: Wont you help me find out?

F: Of course I will. Here is a hint. You are much bigger than who you think you are.

You are the creator of the universe.

S: How can that be? The world is very big, ten to the power of 48 times my size.

F: It is.

 [Original full-scale image - link ]

S: How can the small create the big?

F: Small and big are illusions.

S: How so?

F: Let me ask you a question, for a change. Where was this world before you were born?

S: I dont know.

F: Where will it be after you die?

S: ditto.

F: Ok. Could it be that the world you see exists only in your mind?

S: Possible.

F: Then you are its creator because it exists only in your mind?

S: Possible. But...

F: But what?

S: I am so small, the world is so big...

F: Now, now. Haven't we agreed that small and big are illusions?

S: May be, but they are are real to me.

F: Why?

S: If I am the creator, the world should obey me. But it does not. I feel powerless to control it.

F: Mom and I created you. Do you listen to us and obey?

S: Why should I obey you?

F: Then why should the world you created obey you?

S: But I have a separate life of my own.

F: Exactly. The world you created does not obey you, because it has a life of its own.

S: You are tricking me with words.

F: Yes I am.

S: Give me an experience of being the whole world.

F: I cant give you that experience, but I can tell you how to get one.

S: Fair enough.

F: This is going to be a little long. You have patience to listen now?

S: Willing.

F: You are familiar with three states of you being: awake, dreaming and sleep. When awake, you can know and act. Time is flowing continuously. When dreaming, you know but cant act. Time is going in jumps. When asleep, you cant know, cant act. Time also sleeps. Time is like space. Life is its property, like energy-matter. Time arranges things. Things without life moves things to disorder, bad acts. Things with life move towards order, good acts. Time moves forward, towards more disorder. Life makes time move backward, to more order. Are you with me still?

S: Sure.

F: Good. Time is father, Life is mother.

Time is Siva, Life is Power, Shakti. OK?

S: May be. (Starts yawning).

F: Understand Shakti to go to the source, the state of perfect order when there is only one thing;
you may call it Shivashakti. What is in a name? You could call it Siva, you could call it Shakti;
both are same.

S: What does all this have to do with my experiencing my bigger self?

F: I am coming to that. I told you about awake, dreaming and sleeping right?

S: Yes, may be.

F: But I did not tell you about waking dream, and waking sleep did I?

S: No.

F: Waking dream is when you are manifesting an imaginary world. Because you are awake, you
have control over your dream, you can redirect it the way you want. Lucid dreaming manifests.
Waking sleep has two parts.
1.Thinking in words (memory or mind) is absent, feeling body movements is present. This is
called yoga.
2. The other part is when both words and feelings are absent, but consciousness alone is. This
is the pure witness state. This is called Samadhi.

S: Can you please summarise all this?

F: Sure. The way to Samadhi consists of three steps.
1. Yoga Nidra (conscious dream, astral interactions)
2. Nata Nidra ( conscious feeling, dyamic meditation of Nataraja)
3. Samadhi (pure consciousness when no object is visible, antarmukha witness)

S: Good. But why is the pure consciousness state important?

F: Because you are the witness of your self. Ask the question: who is your witness? The answer is, the world. So, when you are the world, you are identifying with the world.

S: I am the creator state?

F: Yes. Then it is true to say that. Then the world obeys you, because you are everywhere, at all times, and in all energies ( including matter). Because you exist at all times, you become deathless.

S: So, when the world does not obey me, I am saying that I am different from the world, separated from it, and the world obeys me, agreeing with me that it is separate. What does all this have to do with Sri Chakra?

F: I have been talking about the first three enclosures, the square-waking awareness, 16petals-dreaming imagining awarenss, 8 petals-sleeping unconsciuosness. The inner circle has to be approached through putting thinking mind to sleep, and feeling mind to sleep, putting both to sleep, just abiding in a pure consciousness. Then you enter the world state, and then the energies making this world, the trinity and beyond. All this is Sri Chakra.

S: Is there some course on achieving "I am creator" state of Samadhi?

F: Sure. Pray to Shakti to reveal Her secrets and be your comanion-mentor-guide-guru. She will surely help you. If your compassionate mother doesn't help you, who will?

S: What about science?

F: All science is Mother, Saraswati. She can teach you. Love and Nature are also your Mothers. They can also mentor you. Shiva dances because Shakti gives him life.

S: One final question. If I choose to be good, will you help me?

F: What more can I ask for?
May Shiva and Shakti dance in the atirudra yagam conducted in a grand style by S.

Visakhapatnam, 6 Mar 2010

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Beneath an article of Guruji I want to add words of Kamalakara Mishra, that  can deepen the understanding of the words of Guruji: 

Moksha, or mukti, has two meanings — a negative meaning and a positive one. The negative meaning of moksa is the freedom from impurity (ajñāna or māyā). This is suggested by the literal meaning of the word mukti. The word mukti, or moksa, literally means “release,” “freeing,” or “unbinding.” As we have already seen, the soul is in bondage — the bondage of ignorance, or māyā — that obstructs the real nature of the soul. Moksa is the release or freedom from the bondage of ignorance. The soul is bound by limitations and moksa is freedom from limitations. It is not that one becomes free from some limitations for some time under some conditions; one becomes free from all limitations for all time under all conditions. [tasmānmukto’ pyavacchedādavacchedāntarasthiteh/ amukta eva, muktastu sarvāvacchedavarjitah// Tantraloka 1.34]  Moksa is not relative freedom but absolute freedom.

Since moksa is understood as release from something — ignorance or impurity — it follows that moksa is a negative attainment. We lose something in moksa, but what do we gain? We gain our own real nature that was hitherto obstructed. [mokso hi nāma naivānyah svarūpaprathanam hi sah.  - Moksa or liberation is nothing else but the awareness of one's true nature. Tantraloka 1.156]

When we clean a piece of cloth, cleaning is certainly a negative process — we separate the dirt from the cloth and we do not add anything to the cloth. But the negative process of cleaning leads to the positive attainment of the real nature of the cloth, which is clean in and of itself. We do not add cleanliness to the cloth. The cloth is clean by its very nature; that clean nature was only obstructed. Now that the dirt is removed, the cleanliness of the cloth comes to the fore. Or, to use another analogy, when a lion is released from captivity, it is not true that when it was in the bound state it was a goat and only when it is freed does it become a lion. The lion was already a lion, but its “lionness” was not in evidence as it was caged. Once it is freed from the cage, it becomes what it already really was.

Similarly, in moksa we become what we really are. Our real nature was obscured and now that the obstruction is cleared away, we attain our real nature. Moksa is thus also a positive attainment — the attainment of our real nature. Of course, this is not the attainment of a new thing; it is the “getting of the gotten’’ (prāptasya prāptih). [apravarititapūrvo’ tra kevalam mūdhatāvaśāt, śaktiprakāśaneśādivyavahārah pravartyate. Iswara Pratyabhijna Karika 2.3.17]  This paradoxical statement is not a tautology; it means that the Self that we attain in moksa is already there; it is not a new thing. In this sense moksa is the “getting of the gotten.’’ But the Self was previously obscured, and we have come to realize it only now; in this sense it is a new event. The Self, or Consciousness, was very much present, but its powers were blunted, just as in the case of a lion in a cage. So it is only when Consciousness is released from captivity that its powers are revealed, just as the powers of the lion come to the fore only when it comes out of the cage. The thing that is attained is thus already there, but the attainment itself is a new thing.
All the systems of Indian philosophy that accept moksa accept both the negative and positive meanings of moksa, namely

 (a) moksa is freedom from bondage and
 (b) moksa is the attainment of one’s own real nature.

All the systems are thus in agreement with regard to the meaning of moksa as the attainment of the real nature of the soul or self. But what is the real nature of the self or soul? It is here that the differences among the systems of philosophy start. The conception of moksa in a particular system depends upon the conception of the real nature of the soul accepted in that system. We find in the systems of Indian philosophy a hierarchical understanding of the real nature of the soul.

In Vaiśesika, the nature of the soul is only existence (sat); the soul exists but it has no knowledge, no activity, no pleasure, no pain. These are the accidental qualities of the soul. They naturally disappear in the state of moksa, as they are not part and parcel of the soul. In the state of moksa, as conceived by Vaiśesika, one virtually becomes like a stone, as one is devoid even of knowledge. The moksa of Vaiśesika is viewed by the other systems as a disvalue, and is also ridiculed by some of them. A Vaisnava bhakta, for example, says, “I would rather forego moksa, and accept being bom as a jackal in the forest of Vrindāvana (hallowed by the presense of Krsna) than pray for the mukti of Vaiśesika.
- varaṁ vṛndāvane ramye śṛgālatvaṁ vṛṇomy aham | vaiśeṣikokta-mokṣāt tu sukha-leśa-vivarjitāt  ||

In Sāmkhya, however, we find an improvement upon the Vaiśesika position with regard to moksa. According to Sāmkhya, the nature of the soul (purusa) is both sat (being) and cit (knowledge), and thus the state of moksa is a state of knowledge. But here, too, the soul is devoid of joy (sukba or ānanda) and activity, as these are the qualities of matter (prakrti). In moksa (or kaivalya, as it is called in Sāmkhya) the soul (purusa) remains a seer or knower and not a doer; it is also devoid of bliss, as bliss goes with prakrti, from which the purusa is completely dissociated in moksa.

Vedānta moves a step further and declares that the real nature of the self (soul or purusa) is not only sat (“existence”) and cit (“knowledge” or “illumination”), but also ānanda (“joy” or “bliss”). Brahman, which is the real nature of the self, is sat-cit-ānanda. This idea is fully developed in Advaita Vedānta. According to Advaita Vedānta, one becomes sat-cit-ānanda in the state of mukti. But there, too, as in Sāmkhya, the liberated soul remains inactive (niskriyā). There is no activity in the real nature of the Self, activity being relegated to māyā, which is transcended in moksa.

Kashmiri Tantra [and hence Sri Vidya] , as we have seen, accepts as the nature of the Self not only sat-cit-ānanda but also activity (kriyā, vimarśa, spanda, śakti, or svātantrya). This is spontaneous activity freely arising out of the fullness of the Self. Since freedom or activity (svātantrya) is the very nature of the Self, the liberated person is vibrant with joyful activity.

Bondage is a state of the forgetfulness of our real nature. This forgetfulness did not begin at a particular point in time; it is beginninglessly present with the existence of the individual soul, as if the soul were bom blind. Since bondage is the forgetfulness of our real nature, moksa, naturally, is the state of remembrance of the same. Abhinavagupta says, “The enlightenment (prakāśa) that dawns in the state of moksa is like the remembering of a forgotten wealth, and the forgotten wealth is the state of one’s unity with all.” [sarvādvaitapadasya vismrtanidheh prāptih prakāśodayah. ANUTTARASTIKĀ 4.]

In the same vein it can be said that the joy (ānanda) that we obtain in moksa is the natural joy of the Self, which we realize by easing ourselves from the crushing load of ignorance we are carrying.

Abhinavagupta further says, “The joy of moksa is not like the acquired pleasure of material wealth, women, and wine; [ānando na hi vittamadyamadavan naivāñganāsañgavat. IBID. ]  the joy of moksa is the joy of the freedom from the colossal sense of duality, like the joy of the unloading of a heavy weight.” [harṣaḥ saṁbhṛtabhedamuktisukhabhūr bhārāvatāropamaḥ. IBID.]
From the above treatment of moksa, two things become clear:

(a) moksa is not a physical acquisition but a realization, a remembrance, or a re-apprehension of the Self; and
(b) moksa is not a new acquisition; what we attain in moksa is already there — it is only a question of uncovering or discovering it. [ tadapararanameva hiparameśvaratālābho muktih -  Iswara Pratyabhijna Vimarshini 2.3.17]

Daily Affirmations

1. My body is a temple. All parts of my body are made by Goddess and are divine. They are seats of all powers: manifest and latent. They are the real Sakti Peethas.

2. Sex is sacred. It is the source of life. Genitals are sacred. I worship them as Siva and Sakti.

3. Sri Chakra is located in all the female genitals at the clitoris. It has been called the Jewel in the Lotus. It is most sacred, and secret, yet known to everyone. I worship the Sri Chakra, a circle of devotees to connect me to the source of cosmos.

4. Whatever whatever sins I committed, I did in a state of ignorance. Then I was in a hypnosis. Now I am awake. This awakened being did not commit those things. I do not feel shame, nor will I punish myself for what I was. Past is past, gone for ever. I forgive myself, as I forgive all others the wrongs they did tome. Now I can laugh at my mistakes, and others ignorance. Is a five year old less than a ten year old? All are evolving. I don’t have to hate ignorance. Darkness cant be where light is.

5. I love myself. I deserve love. I deserve riches. I deserve joy, happiness, health. I have them. I share them. I will see people’s happiness.

6. I will think of Goddess always. In my sadness, in my pleasure. More so in my pleasure, because that is when I tend to forget Her.

7. My mother, father, guru, guests, relatives and friends, and all help me; I express my gratitude for their help every day mentally and through actions. I will serve them with compassion.

8. Even my enemies have life; and life is Devi. So I respect them, forgive them, and try to look at their point of view and make friends. If I can’t do it, I will love them all the same, do not reject them, but maintain a respectful distance. My love does not expect that they should love me in return. It has no conditions attached. I share because I like sharing. That is all.

9. Expressing love through thought word and deed are the sure means for unlimited abundance, health, and pleasure. It is my birth right to enjoy these good things of life.

10. In every outgoing breath, my anxieties and worries are getting out. With every incoming breath, peace is coming in. I am happy here and now. I have plenty of energy flowing through me. I am enjoying bliss, energy, wealth, love and pleasure independent of external circumstances.

Mark those that appeal to you. Repeat them every day and make them your own. You will see your life change in perceptible ways.

 

What are my dreams?

My dear all,
Here is why I exist, and what my dreams are.

"There are two kinds of laws: those made by us and those made by Nature. As long as our laws match those of Nature, She will give us wisdom , bounty and creative purpose to our lives. When abused and raped, She turns violent.

I believe in the power of Nature as a loving Goddess. I have seen Her physically manifest once. She has been my mentor through decades of meditations . I could only wonder at Her impossibly perfect and dynamic beauty, passion for love and bounty of creativity. She made me build a temple for love (Rati) Kamakhya in the form of Her creative center. And another unique temple in the form of Her bosom called SriMeru for protecting and nourishing humanity. She has shown and taught me great ancient erotic practices cutting across world's Goddess cults which emphasize love over manipulation. Now She is asking me to build an international temple not confined by walls as a layer on internet.

She can be approached though many good deeds done in past lives, or by Her grace flowing through a wise guru. She made me create graphic learning modules for connecting to Her. She made me use technology as a means of initiation or immersion, and to accelerate learning curve. Her purpose is to promote quality of life.

What is my purpose? I believe that however small I am in the vastness of this world, yet there is a purpose and goal for my life. I made every effort to discover it and live by the truths I learned.
If you are like me, perhaps you would do the same. Your purpose and dreams may be different from mine, but all of them spring from the same fountain of care and love. Every one preaches love. It is high time we start walking the talk. We owe it to our future generations.

What are my dreams?

 I dream of Devipuram as a center for incubating dreams of a holy pilgrimage from birth to rebirth. I firmly believe that love comes from wisdom to overcome greed.
I dream of the days when every one can get pure water to drink. It can come from air even in a desert, with little help from Sun.
I dream when all people live in comfortable homes using solar cooling and heating.
I dream of the poor getting a light to study after the Sun has set.
I dream of not destroying the greenery on earth and saving oxygen which sustains life.
I dream of the days when all of us can hug each other with love and see the divine spark in all of us.
I dream of a generous world where the haves support the have nots. Are these empty pipe dreams? Let us probe a little. Internet technology for teaching being Natural, and its values through mobiles. Power of mantra goes through voice; it can be an audio file. Convergence of audio, document and video are being used to flip classes in distant education where course work is done at home instead of a class room and problem solving is done through conferencing. Mobiles go wherever you go. Learning happens at a place and time of your choice (even while driving to work), and at a speed comfortable to learn. Love can and should transcend boundaries of country, color, and creed.

I ask: if threats to nations could be delivered through a video, why not care and love be delivered through it? Instead of chastising China for dumping excellent but cheap solar panels to compete with grid, we can thank it for making its human resources available to solve power problems of the world.
Solar is green tech, preserves ecology for our descendents. It can provide clean water, comfort and power to increase time available for learning. And it moves capacity to dream and execute them from urban to rural areas, providing a level playing ground for big and small enterprises alike. I am trying to find out if you have similar dreams.

Amritananda, Devipuram

Just a point

Just a point, not to be seen or known? o I o ; No, also a mirror showing me to myself.
I am that ; What I see is myself, an image of me.
Curious. Who is that? Is it me?
Afraid. Is it dangerous to me?
I seek that; Desire is born, to be rid of fear
about my unknown other self.
I was my father and that was my mother.
aaahh-hhaaa! ; We became one with passion. What a release!
My first out of the body ejaculation!
I am the sperm seeking egg.
Also the egg waiting to receive it.
Breath . Center ; I start breathing through the navel.
How long? For ever? ; Latent experience of time
Can't say for how long
Floating. Hear sounds. ; Inside mother's tummy, senses forming
Can't breathe ; Birth process.
Some unkind force cut my breath.
I cry. Fluid gushed out.
I take my first breath.
An inspiration! My second pleasure!
Again I felt empty and sought eagerly for I don't know what.
Some thing poked into mouth. I sucked. Nectar poured into me
from my mother. And milk, the juice of life. I was never so happy.
I felt; I could drink milk for ever.
Alas, that was not to be. Milk ran out. Sucked and sucked, no juice came out. I get angry; I bit. Mother beat me. She would feed me something I don't like. Then she cuddles me, which I like, and tells me stories, I like them more than food. Slowly, I began to like that food too. Slowly I understand that I and my mother are not one any more. I recognize my father, but not as myself. Now, more misery than happiness.
I thought: I have three mothers and a father. The mother that gave birth to me, that fed me, that told stories and sang for me. I liked my father. He gives me presents, and takes me for rides. Mother always works. I don't like my father to shout at Her, or Her crying. I tell her, it will be alright. A day will come when he won't be angry with you for each and everything. A day will come when misery ends for every one. When father and mother are one again. I did not know how it wil happen, but I know it will.
Then I grow big. And years pass. Learning. Few times getting what I want. Then I was asking, why did I want it? Many times not getting what I wanted. At such times I asked; why was I born? To suffer misery all the time? Why are the bad people happy and good ones unhappy? Is there a God ? How could abundant Nature be so cruel too? I never got the right answers. Until I met Her.

She wore male clothes. But was female inside alright. She was called Venakati Iswara, meaning she was the Lord in the olden days. Now she is called Balaji, or Venkateswara.What a thrill went through my body when I met Her! I longed for Her. She did not fail me. She came to me. And taught me many things. Like how to read new books with closed eyes. How to walk on rainbows. Like how to make lotuses bloom and put fragrance. She kept company with me for twelve years. She told me, you see, we are all one. Pleasure is sacred. Cruelty is sin. I don't understand why cruelty can be shown publicly in media, but not pleasurable sex which is sacred. I don't like cruelty. I love life. I like you all to enjoy life openly. Yes, this is what she told me in so many beautiful ways. I forgot to tell you. She also told me she is ready to teach all who open up to Her. A life of enjoyment. Life is enjoyment, a commitment to joy. Life is a holiday. To make the holiday more enjoyable, you work some times. Why hide your joy and wear the masks of misery ? Except you humans, the whole of life is enjoying openly. Work is also pleasure. Pleasure of receiving, and pleasure of giving. Entertainment is an industry too. Love is the child of pleasure. The God of love is the son of pleasure.
I closed my eyes and saw. It was true. The kingdom of Goddess is inside me. I made an offering of thanks to Her. I built a temple for Goddesses as she directed me. Thousands will remove their masks everyday and enjoy fun. There is the place for fun as in the golden days of tantric Khajuraho. I did my job. I thought there was more to do. But she put the doubt in me. Do you have to do it ? Give somebody else a chance.

I am waiting for you. People will never leave you in peace. Die to the world, so that you don't have to do anything anymore. You be with me always. Because I love you. Let them worship you as me. Does it make a dfference by what name you are called ? God of the Seven Hills or Goddess of the Seven Seas ? Is there a high and low, up and down, left and right, life and death ? Only the dream play of time. Wakeup, from waking state! Enter me, I can't wait any longer. I close my eyes. So I can be with Her always. Do nothing. This is the point of no return. It is a one way street. I forgot how to talk or sign. Will someone do it for me, please?

Words of Kamakhya

“Listen!” Kamakhya said, “Here I am residing here with Ananda Bhairava (Shiva in his happy mood). As I am happy, I want to bless the devotees with the same happiness! So many centuries ago there were celebrations and happy rejoicing in this place of worship (Devipuram) with yagnas, Vedic chant and many offerings in the yagna. This place is that way invigorating to the people who visited here. It gave the devotees a religious pervour and filled their minds with total and Supreme blissful Consciousness (Chid Ananda paripurna prakasam). This  place once again needs to be made into the place of religious worship and it is you who will help me to do it! You have to carry the task of rediscovering this place! The social scene is highly polluted now. Many have become slaves of the materialism which turns away from Self-realisation. They are like the Creator who fell in love with his own creation!

The act of union in love as the Root of Creation has become ridiculed out of lust and egoistic passion since the Divinity of the Love is lost in the temporary act of satisfying the momentary egoistic needs (indriya prakopam). Therefore the atheists are  sneering when sringara (loving for love sake) is mentioned anywhere in any context. All these misconceptions, greed and the falsehood are making life miserable for such people. Because of such behaviour they are loosing peace and hence cannot find happiness. This, so called "right social behaviour", is causing them to experience so much unease and misery! All this should change! Before these arrogant people become degraded even further, they should be taught or reminded of the easy comfortable genuine way of life. So that they can become happy and have enough time to think beyond their egoistical concerns. Reach out to those who are fortunate enough to help themselves!

The institution of marriage can be taken as an example. People through generations and time immemorial have believed in a marriage,  but with a different understanding: These ancient marriages of love were the ones which sanctified religious duties there; Now the marriages are mere acts of egoistical convenience and gain! Hence one should not be binded on the couple. In ancient times it was a way of life -  now it is a mere act of loveless life! It is time for people to understand the beauty and comfort of co-existence to bring children who are happy, well behaved and self satisfied and altruistic! It is the need of modern time.

Shringara is nothing but the preparation or getting ready for the union of the couple in love. Also decorating oneself in the most beautiful appealing way. (What the present generation calls "makeup") In the ancient times love was one of the sixty four arts of life (chatushasti kalas) that one should know for happy living that is successful. Nowadays the word is translated as lust, which is demeaning the art to its lowest degree.

Shringara is known in the ancient literature as Kamakala. It resides in the muladhara chakra -  coming down via Sushamna nadi as a Vaikhari Shabda. Through it person is identified with the Earth. This type of a planned out creation and its execution is beautiful and ecstatic!

In the human body Muladhara is the seat of creation. From the Supreme Void, the Supreme Consciousness identifies itself as Sun and Moon energy and also the Fire energy and enters the human body through Sushamna. The Muladhara works through the South Pole on the Earth, and in Solar system through Saturn. The Muladhara is four-petaled Lotus where each petal represents one Veda or four sides of the Earth.

Here, on the Earth in its Bija (seminal) form rides an elephant holding an infant in Her lap. This infant is none other than Lord Shiva Himself. Therefore, here we are called "Batukas". The Elephant is ‘Iravat’. Iravat is the vahana of Indra which means "lightning". When two heavy clouds rub against each other lightning is generated as a result. This is nothing but the inherent electrical discharge. Thus the Iravat represents the imminent seed of the Earth.

The Muladhara is also seat of Swayabhu in a Linga rupa (self created phallus). It has  the red form. This is the subliminal aura that manifests itself from the homogenous Consciousness (Para Sakthi). It is a static energy of the Lord Ishwara. The Shiva Linga of the lore. He is self-created, But He creates everyting. This is the truth of life. This is also the duality of the creation too.

At Kamakhya (The Devipuram) the God appeared like that. The water hole with a depth of 6 feet with the Shivalinga, and the Triangular shape that surrounds it confirms the fact that it is the representation of Muladhara centre. Here Devi appeared as Universal Creation, the Universal Mother (Yoni), Universal father (Linga), The seat of all creation (Vishva Yoni).

Hence, there is no place for lust here. Here exists only controlled behaviour, which is divine. Shringara control in the love play is something that common man would not understand. This is an oxymoron. But it was the traditional behaviour of the Rishis (The seers).

When it happens, the materialistic approach disappears. The Love is expressed and experienced in a controlled manner. This control means more energy. The energy in the body that exists in the Muladhara centre travels upward through the Sushumna Nadi towards Visuddhi chakra where it transforms into positive energy -  kinetic energy  - which further travels upward towards Sahasrara where it becomes the light energy which emanates, as a Halo, or aural emanation which is pleasant and energizing light energy.

“Visukra prana harana Varahi Virya vandhitha” – Lalitha Sahasranama

The above mantra explains the concept fully. This concept is explained with the description of the Lalitha's assignment of Varahi as one of Her Commander-in-Chiefs who is Killing the Bhandasura in the war. Visukra and Vishanga are the commanders of the Bhandasura - they are like two arms of him. While they were invincible they were also 2 roots of sin. They create sinful behaviour with their influence on the human mind. Visukra misleads people in the sphere of their sexuality and leads them to a prostitution and other acts of lust. Vishanga aids him in these transgressions. Varahi killed these two by controlling the human sexual behaviour and directing it in the direction of Visudhi chakra and Sahasrara chakra. In the process the human being is receiving the conserved potential of the Shukra (male semen) energy and evolving it to a higher level.

...The humanity is in need of direction. They need a leader to lead them into the righteous path. I am here with this explicit purpose.  I need a tool to fulfill the job. You are the tool. I want you to take up this job. I will be with you. I know the society will come at you ridiculing, unbelieving, criticizing you, your methodology and the very concept. Since it is not explicit. They want an explanation from you. They are hard to convince. They may feel betrayed, they may get angry with you and they may try to punish you. Put you behind bars or even terminate you? But why are you afraid? These are all the actions one has to face to carry out a good deed. Are you afraid of getting behind bars? But you are already encaged by Buddhi, Ahamkara and Ego? Are you afraid of death? But this is not your first birth nor the last one. You were born before you will be born later. One more death how does it mater? Be brave and enterprising. Take the job and be my tool. I will lead you! Come with me! We shall work together. This place will soon become a religious citadel which will protect, improve  spiritual and mental health of people!

Your effort is a Guru

I experienced many things: I saw 10-20 of my previous lives; expension  of time - during one night I lived whole life...various things like that. But it is much better for you to have your own experience. You need to have a Guru who can help you to cope with difficulties. Fortunately, in my case it happened that it was a Guru inside me, so I didn't need to go anywhere. And I wish to communicate with you in a way in which you can get connected to your inner Guru. That will be the most appropriate thing I can do for you: not to give you an Experience directly, but the means to get this experience is what is a subject of discussion. Ritual is one way, meditation is another way, yoga is another, tantra is another...there are so many ways and you have to choose the right Path. When the time is right, Guru comes to you. And Guru is inside of you - your own effort is your Guru. 
What I am trying to say is don't accept blindly what others say (including myself). Depend on yourself. Your experience is ultimate.

Make efforts to eliminate your bondage, God will come himself and remove them all. To get everything, Guru’s grace is necessary, followed by your untiring effort. How to gain a grace? Grace will be proportional to effort on Sadhana.

Darshanam of Goddess

First time in Devipuram when Guruji was blessed by the Goddess, She appeared to him as a sixteen year old beautiful maiden. He was dumb founded and stood transfixed. She smiled at him and beckoned him to do the necessary pooja to the guest of honour, Herself.

“There is nothing here!  No drop of water! What can I offer you?!” -  he questioned Her. As he was completing his sentence there was sudden cloud burst! With that water he offered Her “Argyam” (Water to drink), Padhyam (Water to wash Her feet) and did the pooja. She was pleased! He was satisfied and choked with happiness.

The grace and Her aura filled the Universe. The beauty of Her smile and Her Attire is beyond imagination of the common human mind. It was so bright...it felt as if the Universe draws it’s light from the radiance emanated. She accepted Guruji’s offerings and took his hand in Her hand. The rain continued. They walked together in the rain. Goddess was leading, while Guruji was in a trance. Jivatma and Paramatma together - they came down the hillock and moved towards the future Sri Meru temple

Just like one who is walking in sleep, not knowing where and how, Guruji walked with Her. He had no identity of his own. He became one with Her! He is Her! She is him! He is insignificant miniscule in the hands of the Great Power that is the Supreme Leader - taking him into the Luminescent worlds one by one.

He was praying to Her, "Please! I would like to be with you! A part of you! One with you! The happiness of this blissful state is all I want! Nothing else would be important to me anymore. Your love! Your tenderness! Your kindness! They are drenching me in a torrent of  Amrita. This is what I want! How can you be so benevolent to me?! This is beyond everything I expected! This is what I live for! For without life I can not experience this. This experience I want to relish for many lives of my future! Please Mother! Let me!"

His physical being became none existent. His mind and soul were dancing with in explicable joy! He was conversing with Her. They reached the Sri Meru temple site. There, as he observed in his transcendental state of happiness, She left him slowly, gradually and silently as he was standing there in awe. She is like a lightning, enlightning everything around, and then disappeared. She has gone! But the experience lived with him.

What is initiation and what does it involve? Where does that lead me?

Transfering power to imagine, nourish and manifest an environnment which supports your vision is initiation. It happens by making you understand of your true potential. There is no higher purpose than to know the sleeping powers you have and that you can re invent your destiny by tuning into the universal mind. The transmitter of such powers is the Guru, the receiver is the disciple.
Dissolve matter into spirit is the the theme song of Srividya. It starts explaining concepts of solidity and shape, the identity=ego we are taught to assume. It proceeds in 7 steps. 1. Solid 2. liquid 3. fire 4. air 5. space 6. time and 7. unknown.

The fist step, moving from solid to liquid meaning shape to shapelessness, is described as Ganapathi in the tradition of Srividya. The ritual makes a paste of impurities connected to idea of my body. With a mantra repitition, spoon after spoon of perfumed water is poured over a pyramid, a symbol of spirit encased in a body. Your actions dissolve the pyramid, and you experience flowing out of your body, an ecstasy. Along with the body, the individual consciousness dissolves into collective consciousness.
Let me explain. Let us suppose that we place four pyramids in a big plate, and four of us do this ritual together. Initially each pyramid (each of us) contains its own awareness. As the pyramids dissolve, the awarenesses leak out and in the end, they all become one.

What have we achieved? Four separate persons have become one single person. The idea of theis pesron contains all the ideas of all of us. So, you know thoughts of remaining three of us as your own thoughts. We dont have to tell them to you,
The first step in Srividya is giving the mantra of Ganapathi. Why? To enlarge your ideas of who you are. To let the people you know support your ideas. And you support theirs. If n people become one, the power each one has is n(n-1). If 10 persons become one, each of them get 90 time more power than they have now. The power increases exponentially. The happiness increases similarly. Ease of solving problems increase similarly. Problems which loomed large become trivial now. The key is to tune into collective consciousness, to be able to read the mind of Goddess Nature.
The ideas rising in collective are not exactly the same as the ideas in fragmentd minds. So there is no risk of wanting the wrong thing
If we want to transform a world having 5000 million people we need only square root of that number of people. What is it? Square root of 5000 is 70, and that of a million is a thousand. So 70,000 people can decide to change the world and own the power to do it. Together we can change the society. Individually I have very little influence.

Learn Sri Vidya

What is Srividya?

Srividya is understanding how this world came to be, and my role in it. It proves step by step that there is a collective consciousness like an ocean in which we swim like fishes, breathing in the waters of life. It also helps in understanding how a little drop can contain an ocean of which it is but a small part.
Is it important to learn it?
Srividya lets you feel the unbelievable wonder of your identity with Brahma. Brahma creates all our worlds with the help of Sarasvati. She is the explosive flow of information. Brahma is gravity which binds energy to a form, Information which cant be bound by gravity is Sarasvati. These are the two fields manifesting life: gravity and waves of presence, called information.
Srividya is derived from Strividya (notice the extra t?), which means adoring nature consisting of the syllables: s for satva, t for tamas, and r for rajas and i for desire. Satva means knowing, information. Tamas means the ideas of who I am and who are my family members; in short, I and mine, which are limiting bondage's. Rajas means escaping binding, going out of boundaries of I and mine. Desire doesn't choose. it likes binding, gets bored of it and then likes freedom, it gets bored of it too. It keeps oscillating between sympathy and apathy.

If "t" for tamas is removed from Stri, it becomes Sri, the wealth and pleasure of creating the world. Srividya helps to let go of bondage to material things, and to become pure information. Adoring nature without desire is Srividya. It does not run after objects of desire, neither does it reject them. It does enjoy them when they come, but without bondage.
Srividya transforms the fiery love of passion into an affectionate love like mother nature, which created and cares for all living beings. It gives freedom to love all. It discovers that if you really love some person, that person's happiness should truly your own happiness; it can only happen in identity of the lovers. We can appreciate Srividya as teaching that "all is one", non-duality = advaita in practice.

Guru Garu Katha

Guruji Katha

Various katha of Guruji, collected by one of his disciples, Vikram:

Sharing what little i know of Goddess

sharing what little I know of Goddess...
that She is the art of creating new, better worlds...
that I feel like a baby sleeping contentedly in Her bosom after being fed by Her...
that She is my presence everywhere, all the time...
that She is born in my idea of Her, yet She gave me that idea first...

I think of goddess like this. She is standing on top of my head facing the same direction as me. I catch her feet with my hands and pull her inside of me. Being a body of light, she comes in easily. Pray that she merges with me totally, replacing me with Her. Then Her thoughts are mine, Her knowledge is mine, Her Power is mine. It is thus I pray. Give it a try. 

Pray to Shakti to reveal Her secrets. If your compassionate mother doesn't help you, who will?

Devi is the consciousness present in you, me and in all of us, and everywhere. Because she is inside of us as life, our eyes sees, ears hear, and we are able to propagate life. She is happy when we are happy; and unhappy if we are. So to get her blessings, we have to say yes to our own happiness. 

You are the Devipuram, where Goddess lives 

Don't run after Siddis. If we run after them, they will flee, but if we don't seek them they will seek you  

Knowledge is nothing but experience. Experience is nothing but totally involving yourself

 

Varahi Puja

Syama Yantra Puja

Shyama manages cultural affairs of Lalita, the empress of the cosmos. Her upasana brings out abundance and fine arts to seeker. Idiot Kalidas worshiped Her. She wrote the kali bija aim on his tongue with her tongue. He became a great poet and sang the incomparable musical composition called Shyamala Dandakam. She transforms sexual lust to a caring love. She breast feeds nectar to those burning in the fire of Lalita's never ending desire to enjoy life and procreate called kama bhoga. She is adored in the tender, loving and caring heart center of motherhood in women. Lalita is best approached through Shyama.

Ganapathy Tarpanam

Ganapathy 444 Tarpanam

What is Sri Chakra? What is in it for me?

Guruji: For thousands of years, sages in India and other parts of the world meditated to discover sacred (=self organising) life principles, how to enhance happiness and reduce misery in life. Sri Chakra arose in their visions. It combined geometry, sounds and life to channel the nameless, formless powers of God.

It is the king of yantras with nine layers of Shaktis (powers) covering the light of God in the forms of stars, lotuses and squares containing powers, passions and beauties. Their unmasked beauty and razor sharp intellects earned them a nickname- khadgamala- a garland of swords. They cut off and pierce through all limiting ideas of I and mine to release your unbounded bliss of God.

Learn the secret teachings of Sa-maya (=Shakti’s happiness) Dakshina (=Shiva’s happiness) or Kaula (=Both happiness’s) and Vama(=offering self in fire) acharas, and finally Ananda Bhairavis of devotees forming into a self empowering mandalas of Sri Chakras. The Guru at the center of such a circle is called Maha Mandaleswara.

Meditate on names and forms of Avarana (covering) Devis as you go inwards to get the following.

Layers of coverings in Sri Chakra:

1. Square- 10 siddhis, 8 passions, 10 gestures. Use them to enjoy astral powers.
2. Lotus of 16 petals. Time is divided into 16 lunar days, each day bringing a special dream gift.
3. Lotus of 8 petals. Let go of inhibitions. Offer fruits of all your actions to Goddess.
4. Star of 14. Powers ruling the worlds place their riches at your feet.
5. Outer star of 10. These airy spirits blow away poverty.
6. Inner star of 10. They defend you from enemies.
7. Star of 8. They eliminate diseases.
8. Triangle. They teach secrets of controlling lust, enhancing wisdom and manifesting visions.
9. Circle or point. Take you to unending powers beyond mind. Merge with infinite peace, bliss and light of union with Shiva-Shakti.

To get everything stated here, Guruji’s grace is necessary followed by your untiring effort.

The role of a Guru is to enlighten you. The Sri Chakra is an oceanic subject, confusingly intricate. So the Guru gives you a graded course consisting of Ganapati, Shyama, Varahi and Lalita. You should learn one and after practicing it for at least a week, move on the next level. Skipping levels is not recommended. There are innumerable side attractions on spiritual journey. Guru is like a compass, guiding you through his mantra about what to enjoy and what to avoid. Seek Guru's guidance astrally with his mantra.

On Turning-Point Hill

 (from Goddess and the Guru):

Though based in Bombay, Guruji’s work took him all over India, meeting with scientists, industrialists and intellectuals across the country. One seemingly typical business trip in 1977 found him in Hyderabad, visiting the Electronics Corporation of India for discussions on mini-computer programs. But back in his hotel room near Nampally Station (a local name for Hyderabad Deccan Station), Guruji felt inexplicably restless. After tossing and turning through several hours of fitful sleep, Guruji finally gave up and decided to step outside for some fresh air.

“I went out at about 4 a.m. and started walking aimlessly,” he recalled. “It was quite cool. I eventually arrived at a stairway on a hill made by the Birlas, called Naubath Pahad (‘Turning-Point Hill’).1 There was a temple of Balaji glowing brightly on top;2 on the way up there was a Hanuman Temple. My early childhood flashed by like a film reel in my mind’s eye.”

Guruji was reminded of the old Hanuman Temple opposite the Prabhat Talkies Theater in Vizag, where he used to go with his friends for prasadam (a divinely blessed food offering) as a child. He had never really frequented temples since those days, and now, in his mid-40s, he maintained no particular religious beliefs or practices. “I was not exactly an atheist,” he said. “Rather, I was neutral—I considered religion as ‘not my domain.’ I had developed, let us say, a highly questioning attitude toward it, almost bordering on the irreligious, to the point where I was unable to identify myself with any rituals or activities like that. I used to think, ‘What is the need to believe in something that is a fact? You only need to believe in something if it is not a fact.’ I also used to think, ‘Why should I believe something that I don’t experience? God is not verifiable! I don’t see God, do I? So why should I believe in God?’ Such was my attitude. Pure arrogance of science.”

Amma recalled that when their daughter Radha was born in 1963, “she was a blue baby and Guruji’s mother was afraid. She prayed to Lord Venkateswara, saying, ‘If you make her well, I will come to Tirupati!’ Guruji got annoyed and said, ‘Why do you always try to bargain with God?’ Even when his mother finally completed her promised visit to Tirupati almost 12 years later, Guruji was still not interested in entering the temple. But then, in 1977, Balaji himself called him inside…”
Indeed, Guruji suddenly felt almost as if he were being pushed from behind as he mounted the steps toward the brightly lit temple above. Halfway up, at the Hanuman Temple, “I took the vermillion, put it on my forehead and continued further up,” he said. “It was 5:30 or 6 a.m. by that time; early morning, misty. Music was playing. There were, I think, four or five people ahead of me waiting for darshan [the ritual viewing of a deity]. An old man prostrated before Balaji—who is a female goddess in a male form; female on the inside, male on the outside—and for some reason I was prompted to prostrate also. The old man’s gesture acted as a trigger for me to do the same. It was quite unusual for me. I was not the type to prostrate before an icon, a symbol. I did it without consciously knowing what I was doing.”

As he did so, however, a sensation gripped him like nothing he had ever experienced before.
“I felt a thrill passing through me that lasted about 10 or 15 minutes, I think,” he said. “I really lost all sense of time. You know how sometimes you get an experience of horripilation, where every hair stands on end? This thrill ran even deeper than that; it was something entirely new. Every atom in my body was thrilling. I was transported to a different plane of existence—an ecstatic state.”

As he had in his first childhood vision, Guruji experienced the entire universe spinning rapidly around him in a broad vortex, steadily drawn into him at its center. Before he could even begin to process what was happening, Balaji appeared before him, saying in a soft but clear voice, “I am Lord Venkateswara; I am Bala, Balaji and Bala Tripurasundari” (the final appellation usually referring to the child form of the goddess Lalita, who is central to the Sri Vidya tradition that Guruji would later embrace). Balaji then intoned:

oṁ pūrṇam adaḥ pūrṇam idaṁ
pūrṇāt pūrṇam udacyate
pūrṇasya pūrṇam ādāya
pūrṇam evāvaśiṣyate

From the whole arises the whole,
From the complete arises the complete.
Deducting the whole from the whole,
The whole alone remains
When the vision ended, Guruji slowly stood and looked around himself, somewhat disoriented and only gradually realizing that less than half an hour had elapsed since he entered the sanctum. Nonetheless, he felt profoundly changed. Something revelatory had happened, some sort of epiphany—but he was at a loss to say exactly what it was. “If I told someone else about it, they might have shrugged it off, like, ‘Come on, you must be kidding,’” he said. “But the experience was undeniable to me. I knew Balaji had come to me, and I considered it as diksha, a formal initiation. At that moment, it is fair to say, Bala became my first spiritual guru.”

Lost in the wonder of the moment, Guruji walked out of the temple and slowly made his way back down the stairs to the street. “I made a mental note to myself,” he said. “Yes, maybe I am missing something by not worrying about my religion and ignoring the spiritual aspects of life. I must look into it.”

With the benefit of hindsight, many of Guruji’s disciples today point to his experience at Balaji Temple as the pivotal moment that transformed him from scientist to spiritual teacher. Guruji did not entirely disagree: “Then and there,” he would later affirm, “I decided that whatever life was left in me I should utilize for the welfare of everyone, and definitely not for destruction.”

But at the time, there were few outward signs to indicate that any change had happened at all. “Strangely, there was nothing much,” Amma said. When Guruji told her about the incident, “all I could think was, ‘Oh, he did a full prostration to Balaji? That’s odd. He would usually never do that.’”

But perhaps it is more accurate to say that the Balaji Temple experience marked the beginning of an internal shift that would gradually transform the way in which Guruji related to the world. “In some sense, it added fuel to the fire of an inward-looking process, which began around that time,” he said. “So it did indeed mark a turning point in my life, from a search for truth in the external direction to a search for truth in an inward direction. Perhaps moments of enlightenment only really come when there is a deep conflict.”

In the years that followed, Guruji would continue to experience frequent visions of Lord Balaji, albeit usually in the female form of the child goddess Bala Tripurasundari. But while these encounters would open his mind to vast depths of spiritual experience, Guruji said, his original vision at Hyderabad was the primary goad, intensifying his sense of dissatisfaction with his life and priorities as they then stood.

“At the Balaji Temple,” he said, “I was given an experience—a jolt that made me question my attitudes. Why had I devoted so much time, passion and energy to my profession, and so little to my spiritual life? I thought, ‘Why don’t I investigate what is happening in my mind?’”
In a way, he reasoned, meditation was just another form of structured scientific observation, but with one major difference.

“Unlike in scientific investigation, the object wasn’t something ‘out there’; it was me I was observing,” Guruji explained. “The observer is me—but the observed is also me. And the fact that I am observing would, in turn, make the observed observe me back. In other words, I have a say in what I am observing. The object and subject being the same, I can change the object even as the object is changing me.”

For Guruji, the revelation was ultimately life-altering.
“It was quite a new feeling,” he said. “It’s not at all the way we generally interact with the outside world. It was more like a mirroring participation between the seer and the seen. It felt like, ‘I am a part of the world, and the world a part of me. But how can the part also be the whole?’ That bit was bothering me. So anyway, I decided to explore my inner world.”

In the days and weeks that followed, Guruji commenced a regular practice of meditation, usually sitting late at night after the family had gone to sleep, and continuing until long after midnight. As an initial goal he tried to reaccess the transcendent sound he remembered from childhood, and was both surprised and pleased when it returned almost at once—if anything, stronger than ever.
“I would sit up on my bed at night, meditating at 2 o’clock in the morning while my wife was sleeping next to me,” he said. “I’d just listen to that humming sound coming from within me, which started out like the sound of a radio before the station comes on air, around 300 hertz, and then gradually went up into sharper frequencies, increasing in pitch as I observed it. I remembered hearing those sounds as a young boy, but now I realized that it wasn’t just a single frequency—it was a spectrum of audible frequencies, passing over into visible experiences.”

Guruji saw this image and commented on it, "Can You imagine how much violence exists in this picture of creating galaxies?

For the first two days of these meditations, “nothing much happened; a little calm and peace descended upon me.” On the third night, however, he lost consciousness—then awoke to a sensation of terrifying disruption. “As I was waking from unconsciousness, there was suddenly a huge blast,” Guruji recalled. “I felt as if a bomb had been placed in my heart, and that—with a tremendous noise and unbearably bright light—I had exploded into bits and pieces, every particle of my body thrown off to the ends of the galaxies.”
The terrifying vision was, however, accompanied by what seemed almost certainly to be the message he had been seeking. “At the same moment, I saw a sort of screen before me, upon which about 10 Sanskrit stanzas were written. But before I could read even half of the first line—I remembered only that it was ‘Isavasyam idam sarvam’—it vanished, and I blanked out. When I woke up, I was really scared. I thought, ‘How could such a dangerous explosion take place in meditation? What would happen to my wife and daughters if I died? Who would look after them?’ Remember, I had lost my father at an early age, so I was thinking in those terms. And I decided then and there to stop all such dangerous activities.”
The sheer intensity of his visions made Guruji decide not to share them with his wife in any great detail just yet; he did not want to worry her unnecessarily. As a result, Amma said, she initially underestimated the transformation he was undergoing—because outwardly, once again, he was simply not showing any significant changes at all.
“Yes, sometimes he would awake from his meditations and say he was afraid,” she noted. “But I would usually tell him, ‘Just drink a little water and try to go back to sleep.’”