Freedom, Relationship, and the Ground of Spiritual Life

Guruji and Amma at the time of their marriage

 (from "The Goddess and the Guru"):

Guruji himself was, of course, fully aware that people were curious—and sometimes impatient—about Amma and her role in his life. But he made his position on the matter very clear.

“Sometimes people tell me, ‘You shouldn’t let Amma control you! You should stand up for your independence!’” he said. “What nonsense. I have lived with her for over 50 years. We know each other inside out. We have three children and six grandchildren together. I’m there for my wife and she is there for me. Why would I turn away? For the sake of what? Because she controls me a little?”—he shook his head and laughed—“Who doesn’t control me? Everybody tries to control me! So just because she tries to control me too now and then, I should run away? No.”

He paused and then allowed, “Okay, so maybe I sacrifice a little freedom. So what? That’s the trade-off. I value our relationship as an important part of Tantric spirituality. You live in the spirit and yet you live in the world, you see? If you try to live strictly on an existential level, you’re essentially operating in a vacuum—no affections, nothing to bond to; nowhere to ground yourself. In my opinion, cultivating a place of belonging is equally important. And the partial loss or restriction of freedom that comes with it is just part of the game. In fact, I think it can be valuable.”

“So that is one of the messages I have tried to convey in this life,” Guruji concluded. “You don’t have to leave your family; you don’t have to run away from your worldly life in order to be spiritual. You can find it wherever you are, whatever the circumstances. You can be in prison, scheduled to be hanged within the next half an hour—and still practice detachment. I want people to realize that their spirit is always free, even if they consent to limit that much-needed freedom in their everyday lives. If you can learn to both exercise your freedom and cope with your limitations—accepting them lovingly and caringly—then you will always be okay.”